Does He Really Care

By: John Spellman

I decided to post another testimony of something great God did for me. I should have posted it earlier but I just got around to typing it now. I figured it was about time I update my blog.

When I was going to Gradschool in Columbia (Teacher's College) I was teaching a Bible class on Friday nights at the house of the first elder of my Church. When I invited people I usually gave them a binder filled with interesting information about Prophecy and the 2nd Coming of Jesus.

I had given out almost all of them and I was going to need to buy more. It was Spring time and I was so bogged down with work that I was feeling too lazy to take the train all the way to the nearest Staples in NYC because I had so much work to do. You ever have so much work to do that sometimes you just start forgetting about other things you have to do, yet you still have that feeling like there's something you need to do but you can't think of what it is? That's how I felt about alot of things.

Finally, some of my work had been completed and I was making plans to go to get more binders but money was running really short. I had taken out "Just enough" money when I was applying for student loans and didn't really have much spending cash. God blessed me with an awesome ministry but in order to keep it going I was thinking that I would need to go a whole week or more eating peanut butter and jelly if I was going to buy binders and those plastic page protectors I needed.

My money was running short! I remember walking along Amsterdam ave. to the side of Columbia, thinking to myself "Does God really care about what I'm doing?"

I continued walking making my way to the post office while deep in thought. It had been a while since my experience at the beach. I wondered if I would ever hear from God, like I did that day, again or in some other way. Thoughts creeped into my mind telling me that maybe God doesn't care about what I'm doing. Maybe God wants us to work hard and exauhst ourselves without blessing us and giving us relief.

As those thoughts came in, I rebuked them telling myself that God really did care and that anything I needed God would provide for me. He had blessed me with so much already and hopefully soon I would begin to see some of my friends and family get converted. Then my thoughts continued to bother me. I started questioning myself and my faith and wondering if some of the things my friends were telling me were true. I wondered if I was really on a mission that God had given me or if everything was all in my head. I thought back to my experience on the beach and reminded myself that God really had reached out to me and that if I needed it, God would reach out to me again.

I began to think about whether God really loves me. I mean there are 6 Billion people on the planet. How could God really love me personally? What makes me so special? Does He really care about what I do, or does He just see me as a servant? Just a number in His wide creation. Does God care about my thoughts or my effort? Does He care about me making so many changes in an effort to live my life for Him? I wondered if God ever gives somebody a pat on the back when they do something right. How does God ever let us know we're on the right track? I can understand that God doesn't always reveal Himself to us because He wants us to live by faith, but I still was hoping I would just see something that let me know that God was with me!

As I made my way back from the Post office my thoughts continued. I began to struggle with the idea that God cares about each person individually. I wondered if God saw anything good about me and if He really was behind me in my ministry with this Bible Study and my friends. What about my family and my mother who were reluctant to listen to me when I told them about the things I had learned about God? I wondered if God had a sense of humor and the main question that recurred in my thoughts was... does God care? I began to pray in my mind. Where are you God? Do You care? I began to feel stupid that I was praying for something so small. God probably had better things to do than to answer the prayer I was making. I would have to find money for the binders I needed some how. Such small things like what I was worrying about probably weren't that important to God.

As my thoughts continued (though I was trying to encourage myself that I was doing the right thing) I heard a motor running behind me and made my way to the right side of the sidewalk to let a golfcart pass by. I was deep in thought, thinking about how I was going to pay for the binders I needed, to keep telling people about Jesus, and even if I could afford the binders I had no idea what I would do to get enough inserts (page protectors) and pay for photo copies of the pages at the same time. Even if I had to live on Peanut butter and jelly for the next two or three weeks in order to afford what I needed, I was determined to do it and to be faithful.

As the gocart passed me and I was still on my thoughts about whether or not God cared and if he would bless what I was trying to do, I noticed that in back of it was an entire kart full of binders and the driver continued down the street. I watched him drive by, still deep in thought, until it dawned on me... "HEY! You need those!!!"

I took off running down the block and chased down the gokart. I was running as fast as I could. I was screaming for the guy to stop but at first he kept going. I kept chasing him and finally he stopped and I was completely out of breath.

"Hey man," I started gasping for breath... "You need those binders? I could really use them."

"Uh... sure" the driver said, "I was just getting ready to throw all these out. Ya know, they have you kids do all these reports and then the professors just throw out all these kids' hard work. Help yourself to as many as you can carry, I dont see why not. I just think its a shame, they should give em back to the students. But anyway, take as many as you can. I'm supposed to throw them out but don't worry about it. Just don't tell anyone I gave them to you. Make sure you take out the report and just use the binder."

Still out of breath I made my way over to the back of the kart and began to examine the binders. To my surprise they had PLENTY of sheet protectors. God really had blessed me! Not only didn't I have to buy binders but now I had more than enough sheet protectors. I was about to save a fortune.

Eagerly I piled the binders into my arms and began to take as many as I could. I could hardly carry them and the driver stacked a few more ontop of my pile. I thanked him and began making my way back to my dorm room. As I continued walking I couldnt help but think to myself, "Man, God really does care. He took the time out for me just to show me that He does care, He does notice, He is watching!"

What are the odds that at the exact time of my prayers and thoughts a guy would go by in a gokart with exactly what I was praying for? God really is good and he really does look out for his people! Sometimes when we wonder if God is going to provide for us, he's a lot nearer than we think.

When I got back to my dorm I counted my binders and had more than enough to make more portfolios for my Bible class. As a matter of fact, I still to this day haven't used them all yet. A lot of people don't know that God cares as much as He does. I hope this will reassure someone that God cares and provides for us individually and loves each of us personally! God is concerned about us even with the little things we think he wouldn't care to notice.

In addition to that the following August my mom was Baptized into my Church in FL. God had sent forth His Spirit to speak to my mom and to convert and convict her. Hallelujah!!! It was truely a blessing! At first I didn't think she heard one word I had said. But even though we think sometimes that our efforts are in vain... in God's time, all things are made possible.

Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Psalms 34:9 O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him.
10 The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing.


Isaiah 46:9 Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me,
10 Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:
11 Calling a ravenous bird from the east, the man that executeth my counsel from a far country: yea, I have spoken it, I will also bring it to pass; I have purposed it, I will also do it.
12 Hearken unto me, ye stouthearted, that are far from righteousness:
13 I bring near my righteousness; it shall not be far off, and my salvation shall not tarry: and I will place salvation in Zion for Israel my glory.